Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Bigger Picture of What Lies Ahead

So.... [barstool screeching on the wooden floor as I pull it up] do you blog? Do I blog? Do I read anyone's blog?

I say to myself, "I don't know. I've been really out of touch this month. I used to have so many blog friends all over the country and then, well, I just sort of, I don't know, lost touch."

Glass lands on the bar. And I realize then that because I've been so distracted by so many things that I'm neglecting certain things. Like this.

When I first started blogging at my old blog it was for a bunch of different reasons. For this one, I've always wanted to just share my thoughts on the biz, art, friends and local scene. But the old blog was something completely different. It was like this online diary -- a type of diary that you kept under your bed when you were thirteen with a lock and key, except of course this blog was on the internet for everyone to see. But for some reason that didn't matter. In fact it was therapeutic and cathartic to write. I "met" some really great people through blogging. I was unveiling a lot. That blog lived through its purpose and I no longer need it, though. I regret some things, but really, it's who I am, so take me for who I am, or leave me.

So blogging has always been this kind of respite for me. I've always wanted to be a better writer, but realize I'm more of a visual person. Hence, the daily photos on this blog. And alas, I really wanted this blog to be more visual and artistic than the last.

But here I am. It's late at night. I need to go to bed. I'm Facebooking too much these days since it's such an easier form of social networking, I have no idea who is even in my feed reader anymore and rarely read them. When blogging becomes a job, it's no longer interesting right?

Well, sort of. I still really like to write. And I still really like to talk about all the things I wanted to start this blog for... the business, my life, a little about the kids, and a daily photo. I've had some wonderful things happen to me this month and have wanted to write, but some of the words aren't appropriate here and others I just facebooked enough about it seemed pointless. Those that know me know the experiences I have had, and that is all that matters. But on the subject of blogging, no matter how many lapses I have with blogging, it still comes back. It's still here eating at me. Needing to write. Needing to express. Needing to share. And needing to share what I create. Sometimes we get caught up in life and that's OK, we should be living anyway.

And during all this rush, all this newfound happiness, along with complexity and uncertainty, there was one thing certain yesterday when I found myself captivated by 18 3 year olds in preschool as a visiting "chef" as we made "Christmas Cake". (For those that know me, you'll know calling me "chef" of anything is quite a joke). I was certain I was in the right place at that moment while I thanked myself that I took the time out of my busy day to enjoy the moment, forget about work and all my existing troubles and be part of something that is really important. And here's the photo of the class to prove it.