The Here and Now

For most of this year, for numerous reasons, I have been in hiding. I’ve been on a covert mission to protect my inappropriate happiness, personal defeat and unraveling life away from the objectors and the judgers. This year has been one of deep discovery, deep learning; a complete inner revolution of sorts. Even before this past year, some time ago, my journey began with losing the grip on my self identity. But a funny thing has happened in the past few months. A freshness of self-actualization has descended upon my consciousness. All of the sudden I feel like I have completed the circle. A new awakening for me that came in the form of accepting my identity and my purpose, and the simultaneous construction, reconstruction and deconstruction of important and specific relationships in my life.

During all the unfolding, life seemed pretty dark. And prior to that, I clung to the fleeting hope that things would work themselves out without me really having to figure it out. The easy way is what it was, really: let the universe drive the car. Truth is, I was the only one that knew what the roadmap was and what I needed to do to get there, but I chose for a long time to ignore that. While circumstance got me on this path, it was really my core values and ideals that took me and motivated me to where I really needed to go. Which, after a long road, is the here and now.

In no particular order, the here and now is work, single motherhood, and managing a house. Don’t get me wrong, life is not all work, work, work, but I’m grateful for the balance. There are very specific demands in my life right now and I don’t mind those demands. I’ve always had them, but I really want those demands more than I ever thought I did. They are very rewarding. So since this blog usually focused on my art, Where is the art? The art is in my heart, always there, coming and going as she pleases, coming out when she wants to, as she has no pressure to perform. And that is how I feel now. I am not a comfortable human being forcing myself to be someone that I am not. I am not one thing and I am not another. I am a diverse individual full of many things to give to the world or keep them harnessed close to my chest like a newborn if I choose. And with my maturity came the revelation that it really is OK to not just be one thing or the other.

Here and now, life is full of an enormous amount of new beginnings for me.

And there are more to come, I know it.

Just wait and see.

The art show reception

Ruminating.

I think this may have been the first art show that CJ was genuinely pleased with his participation. He really enjoyed Kidz Artz, but there seemed to be something about the process of working on this piece and how difficult it was to muster up the idea and then how to carry out the execution and all the procrastinating, and all the self-doubt and all the... well you know what I mean. I think he began to appreciate the process of making something. Or maybe not. It's hard to tell. He's not quite 8 years old.

All I know is that once he decided what he was going to do his focus was stellar. It was all the warming up that seemed the most difficult. It didn't take much cajoling, cheering, or mothering to get him to work on his piece, and in the end I think he was pleased with the end result. And then came the questions. And the introspection. And a little self-admiration with what he had accomplished.

"People are asking me about my artwork!" he says.

"Well what did they ask?" I say.

"Oh I don't know," he shrugs. "Just like, what does the story mean and things like that."

"And what did you say?"

"I don't know. I didn't know what to say. I just walked away."

What can we all say about our own art anyway. We just do it.

Click away if you hate re-cap posts

I sort of really hate re-cap blog posts, like the ones you read that say, "Another great weekend with the family, we went to blah, blah, and they were so cute, and then they said the cutest blah blah thing," and well, you know the rest. But I have a little blah blah to re-cap.

It occurred to me that last week I never posted anything about the "Yummy!" art show that I participated in. Here's some pics from the opening reception. It is going on through September 13th at:

The Matchbox Gallery
@ Junctionview Studios
889 Williams Ave.
Grandview Heights, OH 43212








So more blah blah is that Saturday was my 11th wedding anniversary. But most of the day was spent working on craft orders and getting ready for Artisan Sunday at North Market. But by nightfall, Dave and I were lounging on the back deck with a nice bottle of wine with our feet up, listening to great music, and shooing the bugs away under the canopy of lights that I strung in the market umbrella over our table. But is was nice. Calm, peaceful, and nice. A better celebration is planned for this Friday when my sister in law is taking the kids for an overnight getaway at a train-themed bed and breakfast. And no, I won't be re-capping anything about that. That blah blah is my blah blah.